This is a long ‘tail’ from long time ago. There used to be no tailless species of mammals on earth then. Suddenly one day, a venusian spaceship zapped across the evening sky. It’s long colourful body shone in the usual weird way that UFOs are supposed to behave even though it was thousands of years ago. It grazed past a dino munching on the topmost branches of a palm tree, and almost hit it in the ear. The ship stopped midair (Thank God, pileups were not so common those days !) and a pilot waved out from the window and yelled at the dino for standing right in the middle of nowhere. Leaving behind the dino with a stupid look in the eyes, it passed on and landed on the top of a pine tree after three hours of thoughtful calculations (though it toppled over the ground almost immediately). A beautiful looking pilot stepped out of the ship with careful steps (so as not to mess up her make-up). She wandered around for some time, admiring the new environment around her, and noting things very rapidly in her notebook when she first saw this mud coloured creature behind a rock staring at her with wide eyes. She walked up to the creature and said…Spacewoman SveeT : Hello there earthling ! It’s an adoringly remarkable planet of yours. I am SveeT, Pilot of ‘Sugar : The Cutest intergalactic space voyager’ , and the president of ‘Spacewomen Knitting Association’. May i know your fine name sir ?
Caveman Cruddy: I no earthly ! I Cruddy, I come Mars. What you want ? I no time.
Spacewoman SveeT: That’s a rude reply mister. You seem to be doing nothing to me. You were just sitting there and staring from behind a rock.
Caveman Cruddy: That is work. I go in cave, when work. No disturb me when i in cave !
Spacewoman SveeT: A hundred apologies gentleman. But, please tell me how do you came here, all the way from Mars ? I have heard gossip that Mars is a home for intelligent species called ‘Men’ , but no on has been able to find supportive evidence for this yet..
Caveman Cruddy: I wenting to Mars Moon, but i GPS forgot. I am the great Cruddy. I ask no direction. I land on earth. Very peaceful here I say. Fruit on the top of tree, water in the lake. Cruddy very happy here.
Spacewoman SveeT: Oh, such a sweet little person you are mister ! You are so philosophical. I totally agree with your views on the earth’s heavenly surroundings.
Caveman Cruddy: You say Cruddy sweet ? Cruddy so happy. Let we be friends !
Spacewoman SveeT: Wow, you are so friendly and nice. What are your hobbies mister Cruddy ? I write poems… you can read them on my Facebook page.
Caveman Cruddy: Cruddy love poem !! ‘like’ ‘like’ ‘like’… Cruddy will read all your poem ! Can we go, eat dinner on tree top now ?
Spacewoman SveeT: Ewwww ! Dinner on tree top. That’s a gross place to eat mr. Cruddy. Can we be seated somewhere else where the service is a little better ?
Caveman Cruddy: Eww … Ewww.. Ewwww ??? Cruddy not understood Ewwwwwww !
Spacewoman SveeT: Haaaan !! …that means your species has not discovered the most advanced words yet. I dont think you will understand even ‘Hmmm’, ‘Huh’ and ‘Duhh’ ??
Caveman Cruddy: Your alien language. Cruddy not know. Worry not. Cruddy got iPhone. With lots of dictionary in it !
Spacewoman SveeT: Woah ! You live in a cave, but you have an iPhone ?
Caveman Cruddy: Cruddy no live without phorn… Umm.. Cruddy mean ‘phone’.
Spacewoman SveeT: Your race appears to be much more technologically and spiritually advanced than us mister. You people live with iPhones in caves. I am so sooo impressed mister Cruddy. You are so handsome.
Caveman Cruddy: You too so nice, mm.. mma. maddam SveeT ! Your eye nice, your nose nice, your finger nice, your.. your umm.. your pimples nice.
Spacewoman SveeT: How dare you ! People are beheaded on our planet for pointing out pimples !! You are surely not much civilised Cruddy boy ! But, worry not... I will start making vital changes in your routine activities and behaviour once our race settles on this planet. You will be so thankful to us one day for this.
Caveman Cruddy: Ummmm… Cruddy sssays sorry ! Cruddy no fault. Cruddy love SveeT.
Spacewoman SveeT: Oh you are so innocent dear Cruddy !
Caveman Cruddy: Cruddy innocent ! SveeT marry Cruddy ?????
Spacewoman SveeT: I will have to take permission from our senior species advisor in this aspect Mr. Cruddy. Please submit your application on the reception of my spaceship. You will probably be notified soon.
Caveman Cruddy: Yay ! Cruddy so so happy today.
It is believed that Cruddy got married happily to SveeT after that and thus began the new Human race. Some conspiracy theorists also believe that Cruddy hacked into the spaceship’s transmission system and changed the rejection letter from the SveeT’s senior advisor friend. The theory hasn’t been proved yet as all of these scientists were found dead later on under mysterious circumstances. We will continue the story after the marriage of Cruddy and SveeT in the later chapters of this book. Till then, GoodBye !
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